I have written about grief before, but I have come to understand that grief does not always have to come from losing a loved one to death. Just today I have been reminded that grief can come from our attachment to the stories that we have written about ourselves and those stories of others.
Let me clarify that. Sometimes we are so attached to the should haves and the could haves in our lives that we find ourselves grieving that we could not have the outcomes that we had desired in our lives. We grieve the fact that we didn’t have the perfect relationship, job, body, etc. We can also grieve the fact that we can’t change those that we love. We can’t save them from heartache and loss. We grieve for them. I’m going through that process now. I’m grieving the fact that no matter how much I have tried, I could not help a loved one escape the heartache. I know they are suffering and there is nothing I can do.
I will be real honest here. It is so much easier to guide someone else through this process than it is to do it for myself. For instance, I know that everyone is on a journey of their own making and we need to honor that. It’s important that we do what we can to support those we love but also set healthy boundaries for ourselves. I also know that regardless of how much support and love we give, it may not be acknowledged. The person we love and support may not be at a place in their journey where they can understand that. They may never be at that point.
It’s our attachment to wanting a certain outcome that causes us to grieve. This is a difficult lesson that I’m trying to learn as I’m sure many of you are too. Let’s support each other through this process and know that it really will be OK, regardless of the outcome.
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This describes my life right now with my adult son, it’s so sad. I feel that my sadness caused my cancer.